5 Things I Learned About Myself on my Epic Journey Around the World
Understanding is not a linear process. You can’t add A + B = understanding, it just doesn’t work like that. Rather, understanding is a closed loop. You have to understand yourself to understand others and in turn understanding others better helps you understand yourself.
The wisest and most successful people realize that they always have more to learn, and thus are constantly traveling that loop growing wiser with each revolution. Meanwhile foolish people find themselves misunderstood and frustrated, but never stop to think about others.
On my Art of People Project journey I expected this first step to be the easiest, but I found myself adequately challenged to say the least.
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Interestingly these four things also form a closed loop. Once you step out of your comfort zone you must listen, and then you must genuinely reflect, and when you apply that reflection you change, which forces you out of your comfort zone. The cycle continues…
Part of being comfortable is the confidence that we have all the answers. Since none of us actually have all the answers (no, not even you), sometimes we have to be uncomfortable to grow.
The truth is, as a friend recently pointed out, growth hurts sometimes. That said, understanding yourself and others is the foundation of all personal growth and professional success. We simply must force ourselves to be uncomfortable.
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There is an old saying, “There’s a reason why we have two ears and one mouth. So we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Truly listening--listening with the intent of understanding, rather than waiting for a turn to speak, is transformative.
We all know what it’s like to feel misunderstood. We know when someone really isn’t listening to us. But do we learn from that? In a world that simply won’t shut up, there is nothing more endearing than someone who actually listens. Be that person.
All of this is rather pointless without a little soul-searching. In the wise words of Ice Cube, “You’ve gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
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Although most of us are our own worst critic, we also tend to have a special skill of deluding ourselves. We have to pause, dig deep, and get real with ourselves. What can we learn? How can we be better? In our heart of hearts most of us know, we have to pause a moment and reflect.
I’ve noticed that most people are preoccupied with change, well, at least in other people. Changing ourselves is another matter. Sometimes we aren’t self-aware enough to realize the need for change, but if we step out of our comfort zone, truly listen, and pause to reflect, the most natural next step is change.
There simply is no growth without change. Our ability to change is one of the most fascinating human characteristics. At any moment we have the power to re-write the story of our life. We are the architects of our own destiny.
Things I Learned About Myself
I’m pretty sure that one of the most ridiculous things that I’ve believed was that success was a linear process. I really thought that if I did the “right” things, worked hard, got an education, gave back, and so on, that somehow success was a given. I thought it was something like this:
Imagine my surprise when I did all those things and found myself far from what I understood to be successful. Turns out all of it is a process, the wheel keeps turning and we have to keep stretching and growing. No one ever “arrives” at success.
Hopefully we all learn it sooner than later, but understanding is a key element of an ever-moving process and the successful are the ones that know they’ll never arrive anywhere because they have to keep moving.Throughout high school, you constantly have people telling you and reminding you of what you have to do and what you should do. College is very different in that aspect. During my first year, I learned that I need to have my best interest in mind and make decisions that would help and not hinder my career plans. I guess what I’m trying to say is take other people’s suggestions into consideration but keep in mind what is best for you and do what you think is right.
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I’m sure you’ve heard from every teacher you’ve ever had about how important time management is in college, but they are telling you that for a reason. I always thought of myself as a very organized person in high school, but I quickly realized that was because I constantly had people around me keeping me accountable. College classes are a lot less structured, therefore leaving you with more time on your hands than you’re used to. An important thing to remember is that for each hour of class time you should be setting aside about 2 hours of study time per week (and then some extra during finals and before big exams). What helped me the most was to schedule almost my entire day. Sticking to a routine made me feel less overwhelmed and more productive. On the plus side, if I finished my assignments early or didn’t have much to study on a certain day, I would get some extra free time. In turn, my schedule motivated me to complete my work as soon as possible and made life a lot less stressful.
Along with time management finding a good work/life balance during your first year is very important. College is all about learning, but classes and studying should not be the only aspects of your life. Making time for relaxation and a social life is so important for your mental and physical health. A good way to make sure your life is balanced is to put free time into your schedule and let yourself take breaks if you are feeling overwhelmed. If you feel like you have spent the last three weekends studying for exams and doing homework, it’s okay to take the next weekend to clear your schedule and leave those two days open for less stressful activities. This is a task that is easier said than done, but the sooner in your college career, you can find that balance the easier the rest of your years will be.
I don’t know about the high school you went to, but at my high school as long as you paid attention in class and did your homework you didn’t have to do much studying outside of class. So, for me, college was a little bit of a shock. During my freshman year, it took me some time to figure out where the best place was for me to study and what methods of studying works best for me. One tip I have for you is to take the first couple of weeks to try out all different types of locations and study styles to see what combination works best for you.
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This one took me some time when I first got to college. I had my mindset on what I liked and didn’t like to do and what I envisioned for my life, so it took me a while to realize how important it is to step outside your comfort zone and experience new things while you have the chance. Once I adopted more of an open mind to activities around campus, I found myself becoming interested in things I never thought I would like. So, take advantage of student clubs and campus activities to expand your horizons and find new interests. Clubs and activities are also a great way to meet new people and mingle outside of your social circle.At the beginning of the COVID19 quarantine, I was optimistic and hopeful that the crisis would blow over quickly. I remained positive throughout the toilet paper and paper towel shortage and the beef hoarding.
Then the country shut down. It was about that time I kicked myself into high gear. I said to myself, “Self, with the rest of the country on pause, this would be a great time to work hard and make some progress.” I saw it as the perfect time to develop plans, create products, and pull together marketing activities that would put me ahead of the competition.
About eight weeks into the quarantine, my enthusiasm started to spiral downward. I didn’t feel as optimistic, and I wasn’t really any more ahead than I ever am.
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I began to analyze and re-analyze my focus. I’d started projects, then squash them. Mapped out ideas and strategies, only to look on them doubtfully the next day.
After a few weeks of unproductiveness and self-judgment, I began to reflect more deeply. I noticed several things that I didn’t like about myself – things that are difficult for me to admit. However, I’m going to share my top 5 with you here, in hopes that my openness encourages and inspires you to action.
As I was about to seek professional help to pull me out of the mire I was drowning in, something triggered a memory. I was reminded of a workshop I taught several years ago, of which
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